Am I a snob? All right, so I'm a snob.

*sigh* I went down to the music department for the choral open house and to audition for the choir.

I blew it.

Have you ever been doing something, and known you were doing it wrong, and know what you were doing wrong, and still couldn't fix it? Yeah, so, that was me. It would have been funny if it hadn't been so frustrating.

The director of the concert choir was very nice, and sweet, but I felt like an idiot, particularly after she had asked about my background before we started -- "Yeah, four high school, four college... two years in the chamber choir... some voice lessons..." -- and I couldn't place tone forward correctly! Argggghhh!

Then we got to the sight-reading part, always my weak point, and I just fell down completely. I despise audition sight-reading exercises; they never make sense in my brain. Give me a song to sing, dammit! *sigh* She very gently and cheerfully (in that 'humoring' way, though, y'know?) said, "I think Oriana is the perfect place for you!"

Oriana is the women's choir. (there's a men's one, too.) It's no audition required, and it's basically where they stick people they don't think can cut it in the real choir yet. Not to say the singers in it are bad, mind -- just that they aren't up to snuff for the Concert Choir.

I've got the music for it. Having seen the music for concert choir -- I sang with them today, since my audition was after rehearsal and they invited us to stay and sing -- I am profoundly disappointed. It's all in English, for one thing. Edit: I've just gone through and had a good look at all the music, and the syllabus. Everything in here is super-easy, barring the occasional rhythmic quirk -- the joke about altos only needing to know two notes goes for ALL voice parts here, and they're usually running in thirds -- and although this is supposed to be a year's worth of music, there isn't as much as I'm accustomed to doing in a semester of Chamber Choir.

For another thing, I don't particularly like women's choirs -- the sound, unless they are very, very good, is grating to me. Also Oriana seems a whole lot more fussy and class-like than Concert Choir, which was all about the singing. And it's 2 hours later (4-6, instead of 2-4, Tues/Thurs. I have a class that ends at 11:50 Tuesdays, and I could totally keep myself busy around campus until 2, but 4?)

I almost don't want to be in it. Which I keep telling myself is silly, because this is supposed to be a hobby, something I do for fun, and it shouldn't be a big deal -- but it is, and I just keep thinking, if I'm going to be upset about it, it won't be fun to do. But if I don't do Oriana, then I won't get to sing at all, and I miss singing.

I don't know what to do; I just know it's upsetting me. I didn't break down during the audition -- at least I broke the stage fright cycle, finally -- but I did cry later, and went to the SPPD BBQ in hopes of getting a drink. The BBQ was for undergrads too, though, so there was no liquor. Two of the other people I've hooked up with had just had major upsets, too, so 8 of us went over to the Radisson's bar (surprisingly cheap!) for drinks. Two drinks later, I'm crying again writing this.

Fuck it.

Am I a snob? All right, so I'm a snob.

*sigh* I went down to the music department for the choral open house and to audition for the choir.

I blew it.

Have you ever been doing something, and known you were doing it wrong, and know what you were doing wrong, and still couldn't fix it? Yeah, so, that was me. It would have been funny if it hadn't been so frustrating.

The director of the concert choir was very nice, and sweet, but I felt like an idiot, particularly after she had asked about my background before we started -- "Yeah, four high school, four college... two years in the chamber choir... some voice lessons..." -- and I couldn't place tone forward correctly! Argggghhh!

Then we got to the sight-reading part, always my weak point, and I just fell down completely. I despise audition sight-reading exercises; they never make sense in my brain. Give me a song to sing, dammit! *sigh* She very gently and cheerfully (in that 'humoring' way, though, y'know?) said, "I think Oriana is the perfect place for you!"

Oriana is the women's choir. (there's a men's one, too.) It's no audition required, and it's basically where they stick people they don't think can cut it in the real choir yet. Not to say the singers in it are bad, mind -- just that they aren't up to snuff for the Concert Choir.

I've got the music for it. Having seen the music for concert choir -- I sang with them today, since my audition was after rehearsal and they invited us to stay and sing -- I am profoundly disappointed. It's all in English, for one thing. Edit: I've just gone through and had a good look at all the music, and the syllabus. Everything in here is super-easy, barring the occasional rhythmic quirk -- the joke about altos only needing to know two notes goes for ALL voice parts here, and they're usually running in thirds -- and although this is supposed to be a year's worth of music, there isn't as much as I'm accustomed to doing in a semester of Chamber Choir.

For another thing, I don't particularly like women's choirs -- the sound, unless they are very, very good, is grating to me. Also Oriana seems a whole lot more fussy and class-like than Concert Choir, which was all about the singing. And it's 2 hours later (4-6, instead of 2-4, Tues/Thurs. I have a class that ends at 11:50 Tuesdays, and I could totally keep myself busy around campus until 2, but 4?)

I almost don't want to be in it. Which I keep telling myself is silly, because this is supposed to be a hobby, something I do for fun, and it shouldn't be a big deal -- but it is, and I just keep thinking, if I'm going to be upset about it, it won't be fun to do. But if I don't do Oriana, then I won't get to sing at all, and I miss singing.

I don't know what to do; I just know it's upsetting me. I didn't break down during the audition -- at least I broke the stage fright cycle, finally -- but I did cry later, and went to the SPPD BBQ in hopes of getting a drink. The BBQ was for undergrads too, though, so there was no liquor. Two of the other people I've hooked up with had just had major upsets, too, so 8 of us went over to the Radisson's bar (surprisingly cheap!) for drinks. Two drinks later, I'm crying again writing this.

Fuck it.